You have failed and now you must Daegu!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Sorry again for the lack of updates. Between sickness, travel, laziness and some general moodiness, it's been hard to find time to update.

First up, Friday was "Sports Day" at my school. It got off to an auspicious start. I was told to wear "sports clothing." The only "sports clothing" I own is the shorts and t-shirts that I work out in. I wore them, plus a long sleeve shirt and a massive warm hoodie. The fact that I was the only one in shorts was not missed by my coworkers. For people who claim not to speak English they sure had a lot of fun at my expense in English.

We started with stretching exercises. Meaning everyone. All 1200 kids plus teachers and parents. I joined in. Then, it was soccer time. It was "Men" versus 6th grade boys. Some of the boys actually go to soccer camps and stuff like that. My guys did their best, but we ran out of gas after the half. We lost 3-0. One of the "men" was determined to maim and injure as many children as possible. He fired four errant shots into the children's seating area and played like he was more interested in putting the 6th grade boys in the hospital. I later found out this man was the President of the parent/teacher organization. You can't make this shit up.

The biggest highlights were at lunch. The Headmaster walked around the teacher's lunch room handing out beers. I was convinced they were trying to set me up. "Here, Matt, try some." And then they snap a picture and fire me. It was legit. Soju made an apperance at the after party.

After lunch, Su-Jin and her friend, Hye-Eun, showed up to cheer me on and check out the school. I was the first man on the teacher's relay team. I still have tremendous speed. My thighs were killing me the next day. The children observed me with Su-Jin and Hye-Eun. They were convinced I had two girlfriends. Yikes. This is trouble I don't need.

I headed out to Seoul to hang with my friends immeadiately after Sports Day. It was a fairly tame weekend. We ate awesome foreign food, played StarCraft and hit the Pirate Bar. I stayed in a "Love Hotel." It featured the worst porn channel I have ever seen.

This week has been fairly trying. I had a boy stick his fingers up my butt on Monday. Why Koreans do this to each other, I'll never understand. I picked him up(literally, he was a full six inches off the ground), dragged him outside and marched him to the principal with a full Vulcan death grip. He wrote me a letter of apology. I was a little hard on him, but I REALLY hate that shit. I don't like it when the kids do shit behind my back. Have the balls to do it to my face.

The other problem is my bathroom. It's officially freezing. The hot water isn't hot enough and the room is ice cold. I'm in the process of complaining. I had the following conversation today with the woman in charge of the office.

Me: It's just too cold.
Woman: You shower everday?
Me: Of course.
Woman: Well, Korean people don't shower everyday. In the morning we just wash our face and hair. Then we go to public bath in the evening. You go to (gym) right?
Me: Yes.
Woman: Do you shower there?
Me: Never.
Woman: Why not?
Me: (Because Koreans are always checking out my junk. It's un-fucking-comfortable)
Woman: So, it's impossible.
Me: Yes.
Woman: Have you tried swimming?
Me: What?
Woman: Swimming. It's like a shower.
Me: Is that a joke?
Woman: No, it's a good idea.
Me: Seriously, is that supposed to be funny?
Woman: No.

At the same time I forget these people are Korean, they forget that I'm not. This bathroom situation will be resolved one of three ways.

1. The building owner fixes the problem.
2. I move out and get a new apartment with a proper bathroom.
3. I quit and get another hagwon job. Maybe back with LIKE?

It would break my heart to leave, but I can't do this all winter. I just can't.

I also had an argument with the building owner. He doesn't speak a word of English. He's convinced that talking loudly and quickly in Korean is the best way to deal with me. He's wrong. He got a taste of his own medicine. I did the same thing to him in English. Seriously. Fuck this guy. He gets a boatload of cash for doing this. The least he could do is make the place livable. If it's too cold in November, how cold is it going to be in December. I'm sure this is going to resolve itself somehow. I'm just worried how.

The building owner also wants money for water. I'll pay him when the bathroom is livable or I won't pay. Seriously. Fuck this guy. I'm done with the bullshit.

I want this as my ringtone.

A friend of mine told me he had a "Dokdo/Takeshima" debate in his classroom. The kids loved it. Half had to be Japan. They were acting all evil and over the top. I have to admit, some of these are pretty creative.


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